Firstly, I have to thank everyone who came out to hear the talk, familiar and new faces, to the Calgary Public Library team for coordinating it all, and to everyone behind the scenes who helped me get there, THANK YOU!
And here below, are some key points I covered in the Novel Alternatives talk and links to external websites with specific information if you wish to follow up with them directly or email me with any questions!
My objective as a Death Doula and Death Positive Advocate is to help people become comfortable with talking about death and dying AGAIN. This is not something new to our society, it’s just over 100 years since the most common form of dying, was dying at home, with family. Things changed fast in Canada, but not in ways we may be led to believe by mainstream media, and dominant ideologies about funerals.
Burial has been a tradition for centuries in Western society and yet, contrary to popular belief, inn Canada, as of 2014 nearly 69% of our dead were cremated, and it is expected to rise to over 75% by 2025, in part because of cost of burials, but also because of the lack of space. So why do we still think of Burial as the go to funeral rite? I think it’s because funerals are more visually stunning than a cremation on small or big screens: the black hearses moving slowly through the streets, mourners dressed in black with heads bowed, and caskets slowly lowered into the ground as rain gently falls all around. Burials just make better visual stories than respectfully placing a casket in a cremation retort or furnace, pushing a button, and waiting the allotted time.
Life + Death = Storytelling
“The only thing that kept me going was stories. Stories are hope. They take you out of yourself for a bit, and when you get dropped back in, you’re different- you’re stronger, you’ve seen more, you’ve felt more. Stories are like spiritual currency.”
Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: Book of Dreams
Everyone has a significant death story – that moment that interrupts us living our lives where we recognize that Death exists. It may be the loss of our childhood pet, a loving grandparent, or the tragic loss of a best friend or parent. It may be a natural disaster, COVID-19, war, or trauma. These significant death moments inform how we approach our own deaths, and deaths of loved ones. We often, unconsciously, start with a story about the deceased – Grief, the eternal companion to death, is funny that way, directing us to share our losses with one another. Historically to ease our grief, we humans would share stories, carefully wrapped in religious rituals and cultural traditions. We gathered together to remember them, remembering that we too will die (memento mori), but also to remind ourselves that we still live on (memento vivere) but without our loved ones physically present, we carry them with us in memories, objects, and each other as shared stories.
HOW DO YOU IMAGINE YOUR AFTERLIFE?
Whether you have personal, religious, or cultural beliefs, there are choices to be made in Alberta and these choices are often made based on our expectations for After Lives. Some choices, however, are legal requirements, others are social expectations, and still others, just make me wonder: why? Well, the why usually comes down to our local customs and expectations being based mostly on Christian, Eurocentric practices, particularly our legal requirements.
WHAT IS LEGALLY REQUIRED IN ALBERTA
Good question, what is legally required comes down to two choices of what to do with a dead body:
- Burial – interred in a cemetery (grave, or tomb)
- Fire cremation – interred in a mausoleum or columbarium; kept by loved one;
scattered, or oh, so many other creative choices…
There is a third option but it really is just an intermediary step towards choices 1 or 2. Scientific Donation to medical, research, or educational institutions is intermediary because once the donation study has been completed family may arrange to pick up the body, or cremains, or the donation is interned by the institution.
GETTING CREATIVE WITH LIMITED CHOICES
There are however, further creative options for meeting the legal requirements. These really do need to be planned out in advance, as some take months to organize.
HOME DEATH/SERVICE
With some forethought it is possible to die at home in Alberta. If a death is immanent and all parties affected agree (the loved one, their legal representatives for example) arrangements can be made to be transported home. If a loved one dies in hospital, hospice, or a Long-term Care facility a home funeral is still an option but requires the deceased to be transported home for the service. A Funeral Home can assist with the transportation and other legal requirements. I am doing a separate blog on Natural/Green Burials including Home Services. Watch for it in the coming weeks.
BURIALS IN CALGARY
Cemeteries are an example of necrogeography, a specific place to gather with the dead. To visit our loved ones, to remember and memorialize them. Victorian era cemeteries were designed as leisure spaces – places to memorialize loved ones but also to promenade, see and be seen, a 19th Century version of date night, if you will. Picnics were popular in and amongst the headstones, under sprawling trees, or architectural follies. Today, many cemeteries are popular tourist attractions, people visiting the graves of the famous or infamous in what is known as Dark Tourism.
CALGARY AREA CEMETERIES
- Prairie Sky Cemetery, 12800 100th St. SE – NEW as of 2019
- Queen Elizabeth 3219 4th St. NW
- Burnsland Cemetery – Cemetery Road + Spiller Road SE
- The Chinese Cemetery – Macleod Tr + 31st Ave SW
- St. Mary’s + Pioneer Cemetery – Erlton St. + 32nd Ave SW
- Union Cemetery – Cemetery Road + Spiller Ave. SE
- North Calgary Regional Cemetery – Currently in planning stages
- Calgary Muslim Cemetery – 260040 Mountain Ridge Place, Cochrane, AB, Canada
OTHER AREA CEMETERIES: Airdrie, Cochrane and Okotoks have cemeteries.
Prairie Sky Cemetery is the newest cemetery to open in Calgary. It is situated to the east of Ralph Klein Park off 100 St. S.E. and 130 Ave. S.E, and is the first new cemetery built by The City since Queen’s Park opened in 1940 and the first to offer green/natural burials. More details in a future blog post!
GETTING CREATIVE WITH DEATH: LEGACY AND MEMORIAL HEIRLOOMS
There are so many options on what to do with cremated remains – as long as the loved one’s remains are treated respectfully and a craftsperson or professional is willing to work with you, what you can imagine is probably possible. It is important to remember that most novel alternatives require very small amounts of cremated remains (often just a teaspoon or two) so it is important to plan for the care or disposition (i.e. scattering) of the remaining cremains.
Jewellery – there are a number of options. Local jewellers may take inherited pieces and refashion them into new pieces, others may create wearable pieces that include cremains.
Glassworks – small amounts of ash are added to molten glass and appear as bubbles in the finished work. Artists will have set designs but there is a rainbow of colours to choose from to customize the piece.
Diamonds – Again, use small amounts of cremains and take months to create. Prices vary depending on size.
Artist Portrait – a growing area for artists is to create portraits or expressions of loved ones, incorporating remains into the paint.
Vinyl records – This UK based company will take a small amount of cremains and add them to the vinyl record, that is playable so choose your song carefully!
T-Shirts – This practice began as part of African-American remembrance practices, but is now more mainstream. Kami Fletcher, academic in thanatology and African American studies, states, “R.I.P. T-shirts are ritualized mourning wear…Having multiple origin stories that tie back to 1980s and 1990s urban gang culture, and the burgeoning hip- hop culture, these T-shirts feature a high-definition picture of the decedent with imagery and phrases important to his/her life and the bereaved family. The pictures are carefully picked and most likely convey an important memory to the wearer or bereaved family… the R.I.P. T-shirt resists stereotypes that marginalize Black mourning, showing that the deceased were part of kinship networks that miss them fiercely…”
Photography – This is also a growing creative memorial practice and many photographers will work with loved ones online, or offer apps that allow families to create their own digital photographic album or timeline.
Digital stories – Similar to photographic opportunities online, apps will allow the living to create and share stories about the deceased accessible anyone one has access to the internet.
Tattoos – are a very permanent way to memorialize a loved one who has passed. There are challenges to this practice as currently, there is very small group of tattoo artists comfortable with using cremains in the ink.
Arts Activities – Regular reports are made in the news about creative ways family and friends are remembering the dead. A recent one I read about was about a group of friends who learnt synchronized swimming to honour a deceased friend (Seattle water ballet). Locally, Calgary has an artist collective that hosts workshops and annual Autumn Equinox vigils in local cemeteries, www.equinoxvigil.ca And finally, it is possible to start a legacy memorial before you or your loved one has passed on. A favourite is having friends and family contribute stories, anecdotes, and quotes about the dying in a scroll as part of the vigil process, and the completed scroll is then unfurled and shared as part of the celebration of life.
NOVEL MEMORIALS
These options are not currently available in Alberta, but with enough money, and planning you may be able to follow through…
CREMATION
Outdoor open fires/pyres – not legal in Canada, and the only place in North America where it is Creston, Colorado but only residents of the town are allowed open fire cremation. https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/crestone-end-of-life-project
Water or alkaline hydrolysis – is legal in Saskatchewan, Quebec, and Ontario. It uses heated water (160C) and potassium hydroxide; uses fewer resources therefore has a smaller ecological footprint: uses 90% less of resources and takes approximately 4-6 hours, leaving behind ash-like remains.
FORENSIC RESEARCH – There are research and education options available in most provinces, but Quebec is the only province to host a ‘Body Farm’ where forensic research is conducted. Read more about it here: https://neo.uqtr.ca/2021/05/17/decouverte-au-site-restes-la-decomposition-humaine-se-poursuit-pendant-lhiver/
HUMAN COMPOSTING – www.recompose.life – Katrina Spade is the founder of Recompose and designer of the first human composting project in North America.
VIDEO: Ask a Mortician with Katrina Spade https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LJSEZ_pl3Y
Cremain Tree urns – Capsula Mundi, is another form of human composting involving placing remains in ‘pods’ from which a tree grows, from Italy, and not available in very many places (yet). https://www.capsulamundi.it/en/
SHOUT OUT TO LOCAL ARTIST: Danielle Schulmeister, of AUArts whose Art History project caught the attention of Capsula Mundi https://www.facebook.com/CapsulaMundi/photos/a.391119180995163/5353243104782721/
Growing New (green) Life: No one’s cremains are nutritionally beneficial to plant life, they will always require soil to grow any new life. So any service offering to use cremains to grow plants will require adding nutrients to counter the high salt content, as well as add missing nutrients, to a seed or seedling. It uses a very small amount of cremated remains. My very frugal, green-thumbed, deceased grandparents are yelling at me from the Beyond about how easy this would be to do in my garden with a packet of seeds…just saying.
PHEW! We made it to the end! Thanks for sticking with me here. There are so many creative ways to memorialize ourselves and our loved ones. If you can imagine it, it probably can be done. The tricky part is finding skilled crafts people who are willing to help you. I have a resource page with links and more information HERE or check out the Resources Page in the Menu at the top.